Bars and clubs around me: Best Night Clubs Near Me – December 2022: Find Nearby Night Clubs Reviews

Best Night Clubs Near Me – December 2022: Find Nearby Night Clubs Reviews

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Looking for a nightclub near you? We’ve got the inside scoop on the hottest night spots in your area, from crowded dance clubs to intimate bars and cabarets. So browse the listings and reviews here, then put on your dancing shoes and get ready to go out on the town.

Night Clubs, Dive Bars

Fichtenstr. 40, Düsseldorf, NW

Closed

Nachtresidenz

Night Clubs, Lounges

Bahnstr. 13 – 15, Düsseldorf, NW

Closed

Night Clubs, Live Music

Ratinger Str. 10, Düsseldorf, NW

Closed

Stahlwerk

Night Clubs

Ronsdorfer Str. 134, Düsseldorf, NW

Closed

Salon des Amateurs

Night Clubs, Cafes, Bars

Grabbeplatz 4, Düsseldorf, NW

Closed

Night Clubs

Ratinger Mauer 1, Düsseldorf, NW

Closed

Bars, Night Clubs

Hunsrückenstr. 16, Düsseldorf, NW

Closed

Lustwandel

Bars, Night Clubs

Ratingerstr. 23, Düsseldorf, NW

Closed

Ufer 8

Venues and Event Spaces, German Food, Night Clubs

Rathausufer 8, Düsseldorf, NW

Closed

Rosenrot

Night Clubs

Ratinger Str. 24, Düsseldorf, NW

Closed

Papagayo

Night Clubs, Dive Bars

Mertensgasse 2, Düsseldorf, NW

Closed

The Tube

Night Clubs, Bars, Live Music

Kurze Str. 9, Düsseldorf, NW

Closed

Rudas Studios

Night Clubs, Live Music

Kaistr. 7 – 9, Düsseldorf, NW

Closed

Chateaux Rikx

Cafes, Dive Bars, Night Clubs

Belsenplatz 2 a, Düsseldorf, NW

Closed

Kiesgrube

Night Clubs, Lakes

Am Blankenwasser, Neuss, NW

Closed

Most Reviewed Night Clubs Near Me

See All

Nachtresidenz

Night Clubs, Lounges

Bahnstr. 13 – 15, Düsseldorf, NW

Closed

Night Clubs, Dive Bars

Fichtenstr. 40, Düsseldorf, NW

Closed

Night Clubs, Live Music

Ratinger Str. 10, Düsseldorf, NW

Closed

Night Clubs

Ratinger Mauer 1, Düsseldorf, NW

Closed

Bars, Night Clubs

Hunsrückenstr. 16, Düsseldorf, NW

Closed

Stahlwerk

Night Clubs

Ronsdorfer Str. 134, Düsseldorf, NW

Closed

Salon des Amateurs

Night Clubs, Cafes, Bars

Grabbeplatz 4, Düsseldorf, NW

Closed

Rosenrot

Night Clubs

Ratinger Str. 24, Düsseldorf, NW

Closed

Ufer 8

Venues and Event Spaces, German Food, Night Clubs

Rathausufer 8, Düsseldorf, NW

Closed

Papagayo

Night Clubs, Dive Bars

Mertensgasse 2, Düsseldorf, NW

Closed

Lustwandel

Bars, Night Clubs

Ratingerstr. 23, Düsseldorf, NW

Closed

The Tube

Night Clubs, Bars, Live Music

Kurze Str. 9, Düsseldorf, NW

Closed

Das Schwarze Schaf

Lounges, Cocktail Bars, Night Clubs

Mühlenstr. 14, Düsseldorf, NW

Closed

Chateaux Rikx

Cafes, Dive Bars, Night Clubs

Belsenplatz 2 a, Düsseldorf, NW

Closed

Rudas Studios

Night Clubs, Live Music

Kaistr. 7 – 9, Düsseldorf, NW

Closed

Kiesgrube

Night Clubs, Lakes

Am Blankenwasser, Neuss, NW

Closed

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Frequently Asked Questions

What are the best night clubs near me?

Some of the best night clubs near me are:

• Zakk
• Nachtresidenz
• Stone

What are the most reviewed night clubs near me?

Some of the most reviewed night clubs near me are:

• Nachtresidenz
• Zakk
• Stone

What are the most recently reviewed places near me?

Some of the most recently reviewed places near me are:

• Zakk
• Nachtresidenz
• Salon des Amateurs

The Best Clubs, Party Bars, And Nightlife In Hoboken New Jersey

If you’re looking for an alternative to the overcrowded parties, $15 cocktails, and doormen with superiority complexes in NYC, then hope may be waiting for you across the Hudson River in Hoboken, New Jersey.

All it takes is a 10-minute ride on the Path Train to find a ton of awesome bars just steps away from the Hoboken station!

In most regards, Hoboken is the party town of Hudson County. You won’t find any other nearby city in New Jersey with as many parties or bars in one location and within walking distance of each other. This is perfect since the traffic and finding parking in Hoboken are challenging, and why Hoboken is a hard city to drive in.

In comparison, Hoboken’s nightlife scene is similar to those found in NYC neighborhoods like Greenwich Village (Manhattan) or Williamsburg (Brooklyn). There are a ton of traditional Irish pubs, modern gastropubs, and dive bars. Most are lined up between Washington Street and Sinatra Drive, and some convert into dance clubs at night!

Similar to MacDougal Street in NYC, the nightlife crowds in Hoboken are often full of young students and professionals. Since Hoboken was once named the “hipster capital of America,” that should give you a sense of the local demographics, style, and vibe you can expect.

Now that you have a feel for the nightlife scene in Hoboken, let’s get to the good stuff. Since you’re passing on NYC nightlife, you won’t want to waste your time at any boring bars with mellow crowds. So, this list will point you to the best dance clubs, party bars, and nightlife in Hoboken.

Every bar on this list has live DJs, fun crowds, dance floors, and are overall great parties. And, since the walking distance between some venues can be long, besides descriptions and tips for each venue, I’ve added maps with directions to help you plan the perfect night out in Hoboken!

Contents

1

“The Best Hip Hop Club in Hoboken”
Address: 125 Washington St, Hoboken, NJ 07030
Price: $

The crowded dance floor at Mills Tavern – Photo By C. Nez Byrd

Mills Hoboken, also known as Mills Tavern, hosts my favorite overall party in Hoboken, and there is no cover charge to get in. I love how their DJs tap into all genres from trap music, 90s Hip Hop, 70s rock, and mix in a few mashups.

So, they seamlessly cater to a wide range of ages, as you can tell from this video of one of the parties I joined at Mills Tavern:

Video of the party at Mills

On top of the great DJs, they don’t charge a cover, the drinks are cheap, and the bartenders aren’t stingy on the pour. The door is easy on entry, and although there doesn’t seem to be a dress code, many ladies dress up while the guys all dress down.

Large groups of friends tend to come here. So I recommend you do the same and come with a crew. But even if you are solo, Mills Tavern has an easy-going vibe, so you can feel free to be a social butterfly.

Long lines at Mills Tavern – Photo By C. Nez Byrd

Important Tips For The Party at Mills Tavern

• Drink prices start at $8
• The live DJs play Top 40s Pop, Hip Hop, Rock, EDM
• The main demographics are young college students and professionals between the ages of 21 to mid-’30s
• Beat the crowd and arrive before 10 pm!
• They offer bottle service – It is pricey though

Mills Tavern should always be your first stop of the night in Hoboken, never the last. This is a local hotspot, so it gets packed quickly.

As you can see in my photo above, they will hold the door when they are at or near capacity. So if you dare to arrive after 11 PM, be prepared for a long wait.

By the way, if you arrive early, their burgers are pretty good, making it a good spot for a pregame.

Map Directions to Mills Tavern

“The Best Fishbowls In Hoboken”
Address: 221 Washington St, Hoboken, NJ 07030
Price: $$

Madd Hatter Entrance – Photo By Ma B Yelper – Always The VIP

If you’re looking for the club vibe in Hoboken and some sugar-filled fishbowl delights, then Madd Hatter Hoboken is another party bar that you should have high on your list.

Whether it’s for a late-night or an early boozy brunch, Madd Hatter keeps the energy high at all times with music pumping and a live DJ in the back spinning hits.

Madd Hater Indoor Table Seating and Bar – Photo By C. Nez Byrd

If you arrive early, inside you will find ample indoor and outdoor seating. They offer a great food menu as well, making it an excellent pregame spot.

And no pregame can be complete without one of their massive fishbowls. You can’t go wrong with the mango daiquiri with the little sour gummy worms wriggling around in it – love it.

Mango Daiquiri Fishbowl – Madd Hatter – Photo By C Nez Byrd

At around 10 pm, Madd Hatter transitions from a sports bar into a nightclub by clearing the tables out to make a dance floor. And the live DJ sets up in the rear. That’s when the real party starts.

And good news: Although the line gets wildly long, Madd Hatter does not charge a cover charge to get in!

This is also one of the very few party bars in Hoboken where you can buy bottle service and get a table section – making it a great choice for those looking for the club experience. By the way, their bottle service starts at around $250 and up, so it ain’t cheap.

Between their great choices in DJs, beautiful waitresses, and the neon-lit ambiance, you have everything that you could desire from a great dance club.

Important Tips For The Party at Madd Hatter

• Their fishbowls run around $35-$55 and are possibly the best deal in the house
• The live DJs play Top 40s Pop, Hip Hop, and House music
• The main demographics are young college students and professionals between the ages of 21 to mid-’30s

In response to the pandemic, Madd Hatter has installed acrylic barriers in between tables and took out the bar seating. But the service hasn’t missed a beat.

The bartenders are pretty and very welcoming, and they are definitely on their job when it comes to getting the patrons lit; I have yet to see a light-handed pour in my mojitos or Macallans on the rocks.

Try to get here before 11pm to beat the crowd. And I recommend their awesome fishbowl to get right early. I know the owner, so if you see him, tell him Nez sent you and I said “hi!”

Map Directions to Madd Hatter

“Little on Space, Big on Energy”
Address: 70 Hudson St, Hoboken, NJ 07030
Price: $$

Green Rock Tap and Grill Hoboken Front of Bar – Photo By C Nez Byrd

At first glance, Green Rock Tap & Grill looks like your run-of-the-mill Irish pub. But in true Jersey form, it makes up for its lack of modern design with a huge party. So don’t be fooled by its look, on the weekend, this bar is flooded with shoulder-to-shoulder energy.

Throughout the week, Green Rock Tap & Grill has a ton of great happy hour specials. But, it’s $1 beer Happy Hour on Fridays from 5 to 8 PM along with a burger or some wings from their menu makes it a choice pregame spot.

While the happy hour has perfect pregame timing, it can be perilous to hammer down 6 beers and plan to continue drinking and partying all night. When the party starts, well drinks are $10 bucks a pop here, which puts them a bit pricier than other nearby bars – so it’s still advisable to get your buzz on early.

When you enter this party, in the front there is a long bar where people tend to crowd and obliviously block others from accessing the bartenders. This is the narrowest area of the bar, and if you stay there, you will eventually get fed up with everyone bumping you trying to get by.

The rear section is where you want to be and where the magic happens:

In the back of this bar, there is a wider section used as the dance floor, surrounded by mounted LCD TVs playing news and sports. I did however find this very distracting; it throws off the party vibe.

Imagine dancing, then looking up and seeing a new reporter talking about some tragedy, what a buzz killer.

Nevertheless, the DJ pumps a ton of EDM and pop music to bring you back to the moment at hand.

When you are all fist-pumped out, Green Rock Tap & Grill is conveniently located steps away from the Hoboken Path train, so if you don’t survive until the last call at 2 AM, then you can easily crawl to the train without worrying about ordering a ride-share that costs $50 to go one mile.

Important Tips For The Party Green Rock Tap and Grill

• Drink prices start at $10
• The live DJs play EDM, House, and Pop
• The main demographics here are young college students 21 to mid-30s
• Beat the crowd and arrive before 12 AM
• They do not offer bottle service. It’s just a bar, bro.

Overall, Green Rock Tap and Grill is a very good party bar and place to meet people. After all, they have no other choice but to be all up in your face – might as well say hi, right?

Map Directions to Green Rock Tap and Grill

“A Frat Party in Hoboken”
Address: 76 River St, Hoboken, NJ 07030
Price: $

Texas Arizona bar Hoboken front entrance – Photo By C. Nez Byrd

Texas Arizona is the place to be if you want flashbacks of your college days. It is a sports bar and local hotspot for groups. It is a medium-sized bar – when compared to others bars on this list – and has a ton of seating and LCD TV monitors all around the room.

On weekends, Texas Arizona turns it up a notch with a live DJ spinning a mix of pop and hip hop music. During this time they make some space for a dance floor, but they don’t clear the seats and tables completely.

But even with the limited room available, most party-goers here don’t dance much. So, don’t expect to find a lot of Jersey fist-pumping like you would at Green Rock Tap and Grill.

Texas Arizona Hoboken Outdoor Seating Photo By C Nez Byrd

Since everyone here is a little more chill, I’d say Texas Arizona is a good place to socialize with other groups. This makes it the perfect stop between party bars if you want a breather from the chaos on other dance floors.

You also have an option to just hang outside in their outdoor seating area, which is shared with 80 River Bar next door (same owners).

Important Tips For The Party at Texas Arizona

• Drink prices start at $8
• The live DJs play Top 40s Pop, Hip Hop, and Rock
• The main demographics are young, college students and professionals between the ages of 21 to 30s
• Beat the crowd and arrive before 10 pm!

Texas Arizona does not charge an entrance fee to get in, but the wait online can be pretty long if you get there late, after 11 pm. Just keep in mind that if you are looking to dance, then you may want to head to one of the other spots on this list.

Map Directions to Texas Arizona

“A Jersey Shore Party in Hoboken”
Address: 215 Washington Street, Hoboken, NJ 07030
Price: $$

Photo By C. Nez Byrd

Tally-Ho stays true to the Jersey Shore party bar vibe in all of its intoxicated glory. It’s all about loud music and cheap drinks here. Besides being a solid party bar, it is quite possibly the most popular pregame spot in Hoboken.

But don’t expect anything fancy. It’s a sports bar with a dance floor. But with great daily drink specials like $5 well drinks and $15 ber pitchers on Saturdays posted their chalkboard over the bar, you won’t be able to resist falling for the hook.

The lines usually move pretty fast here, since most people come and go. And Tally-Ho does not charge an entrance fee!

Photo By C Nez Byrd

This is a very social spot. When you enter you will often find guests hanging at the bar, soaking up drinks with friends. And there is normally a dance floor in the far back, with colorful club lights, and a live DJ spinning club bangers.

As much as I love the heavy-handed bartenders, remember, this is the pregame spot. Your goal here is to knock back as many cheap drinks as you can until they end around 10 PM, or leave before you get too hammered to make it to the next party.

Photo By C Nez Byrd

The locals all know the routine; you can see this pregame ritual in action when the early crowd starts clearing out at 11 pm sharp. Later in the night, this party can be a hit or miss. But it is often a hit.

Important Tips For The Part at Tally-Ho

• They no longer enforce a dress code. Casual wear is allowed and the “no ripped jeans” policy is gone
• Their late-night drink specials start at $5!
• Well drink prices start around $10, beers are $8, and shots are $11
• The live DJs play Top 40s Pop and Hip Hop
• The main demographics are young, college students and professionals between the ages of 21 and 30
• It’s a great pregame spot, so get there before 11 PM

Hit the bar hard, hit the dance floor hard, and move on to the next spot once you get your buzz going. But if you see the party is popping, you’ll definitely want to stick around.

My favorite bartender Lindsey went back to Jersey Shore. So ask for Megan, Clarissa, or Tony and tell them that Nez sent you. Tony is the bartender you saw in my last picture, pouring me those shots that I bought to share with some fun ladies!

Directions to Tally-Ho

“The Best Club Ambiance in Hoboken”
Address: 92 River St, Hoboken, NJ 07030
Price: $$

The upper section of the top level of Birch Hoboken

Birch Hoboken is possibly the only true “club” in Hoboken. From its layout, modern decor, and neon lighting, you can see that it was built with a club environment and event space in mind. It is pretty trendy going by NYC nightclub standards and super trendy when compared to pretty much every other bar in Hoboken

Birch has everything that you would expect in a nightclub:

• A full dance floor on the upper level
• A stage for the DJ booth and performers
• Roped off VIP sections

In true club form, Birch hires beautiful bartenders and scantily clad bottle girls to give bottle clients that champagne popping NYC and Miami VIP experience. So as you might expect, Birch Hoboken does charge a cover fee.

Birch normally charges an admission fee of $20 per person after 10 PM. This cover charge can go as high as $30 or more if there is a celebrity performance that night. And yeah, they charge ladies too.

There are only 3 party bars in Hoboken I have come across so far that offer bottle service, and this is one of them.

I liked how they rope off the table sections to preserve your space from the crowds – this is something that most clubs overlook. This is a great preventative measure for accidents like drunk people falling over your bottle – that’s never cool.

My VIP section with the bottle girls at Birch Hoboken

The only thing that I didn’t like was the additional “table fee” that they tack onto the bill. You’ll find it deep in the fine print on the bottom of the bottle menu. Even after working at top clubs in NYC for year’s, I haven’t seen many other clubs that do that.

But since the service was great, the security guard was watching out for me, and the secured table was right on the dance floor, the positive experience made up for the cost.

In regards to the energy in the room, the DJs play a lot of EDM and pop music, and most guests are dancing, not just standing around chucking back beers. Which is a big plus.

And while the majority of the crowd here tends is young, in their early 20s, I did see a mature presence here, in the 30s, among the bottle clients.

The dress code seems to be very flexible; Most guests are in casual wear. I have yet to see anyone stopped at the door for breaking the dress code, but I’d still recommend coming in business casual wear since this is not a dive bar atmosphere here.

The DJ Booth at Birch Hoboken

Important Tips For The Party At Birch Hoboken

• There is a cover charge after 10 PM
• Drink prices start at around $10
• The live DJs play Top 40s Pop and Hip Hop
• The main demographics are young students and professionals between the ages of 21 to mid-30s
• The line is longest between 11:30 pm – 12:30 am
• They offer Bottle Service and VIP sections
• They charge additional “table fees”

The line at Birch normally gets long when crowds flock there by midnight. So, you should arrive anytime before or soon after 11 PM if you want a swift entry.

I’ve visited Birch 3 times, and I can vouch that it’s the closest thing that you will get to a club ambiance in Hoboken.

Directions to Birch Hoboken

“The Latin Lounge For Gringos”
32 Newark St., Hoboken, NJ 07030
Price: $$

Fat Taco Tequila Bar is a new restaurant and bar that opened in September 2021, replacing the former Coco Loco restaurant and nightclub. The style, decor, and menu are all Mexican-inspired. So, you can still expect some Latin American flair in the decor and the menu.

Every Friday and Saturday night, Fat Taco opera as a dance club and is a great option if you are looking for a bar with a dance floor and no cover charge. Which makes it a good alternative to Birch Hoboken nearby, which typically charges a cover.

Currently, Fat Taco runs a happy hour special with $5 mixed drinks from 8 PM – 11 PM, which also makes it a good pregame alternative to Tally-Ho. After 11 PM, mixed drinks increase to $9 at the main bar – I got two whiskey and ginger ales for $18.

Strangely, however, the mixed drinks cost $13 at the small bar on the dance floor. I deduce that the bump in price was due to its smaller selection of premium tequilas. Nevertheless, it raises a red flag when prices change among different bartenders – so watch out for that.

Fat Taco is owned by the same group that runs Birch Hoboken, so the music selection and young crowd are similar. There was good energy in the room, everyone was dressed casually, and the dance floor was busy. I did notice more of a Latin crowd here than I tend to find at other bars in Hoboken – albeit a smaller venue.

When I visited, the DJ rotation was full of Top 40 hits, and pop music, with random Latin music thrown in. Unfortunately, the mashup of random genres completely threw off the vibe numerous times. It’s like the DJ would play Marc Anthony, then cut to Taylor Swift, which, as you could imagine, is difficult to connect well. Hence, why I call Fat Taco, “A Latin Lounge For Gringos.”

Important Tips For Fat Taco

• There is no cover charge
• No dress code was enforced
• Mixed drinks range from $9 – $13, depending on which bartender you go to
• The music is mostly pop genre and Top 40
• The age demographic is mid to late 20s
• The crowd starts clearing out around 1 AM

Sadly, despite the Latin theme of this club, the music doesn’t follow suit. So, for now, Hoboken remains the void of a gret Latin party spot. And of course, the beautiful and stylish Latinas that come out for long nights of dancing to Merengue, Bachata, or Salsa.

Overall, the party was just OK. Since the crowd leaves relatively early, I’d recommend Fat Taco for a pregame or as a middle-of-the-night party. I’d just take care to end the night at one of the other parties on this list, which are still busy until the last call.

Coco Loco Hoboken a.k.a. Coco Havana (Closed)

“The Best Latin Dance Club in Hoboken”
Address: 32 Newark St, Hoboken, NJ 07030
Price: $

Photo of crowd at Coco Loco

Unfortunately, Coco Loco is closed and was replaced by Fat Taco Tequila Bar above. So, currently, there are no Latin party bars or clubs in Hoboken with Latin music as its primary genre.

In the hope that Coco Loco (or a similar Latin party) will find a place in Hoboken, I will keep this brand on this list for posterity:

If you have an itch for Latin music and trying out your new salsa moves, then Coco Loco is the best (and only) Latin lounge and dance club in Hoboken. This crowd loves to dance! And Coco Loco accommodates it by making an impressive changeover to a club atmosphere when it clears the main dining area to make room for a dance floor on weekends.

The live DJs turn up the party with a mix of salsa, bachata, reggaeton, and Hip-Hop music. And as you might expect, the crowd is predominantly young and Hispanic.

There is a cover charge of $10 to $20, which I’m never a fan of. This is one of the few bars on the list that charges a cover for entrance.

However, the admission does make business sense, given Coco Havana is one of the smaller venues in this area. At least the all-night drink specials like $4 fireballs or tequila shots make up for it a bit. I did notice that they stopped posting the specials on the wall behind the bar. So be sure to ask the bartender about any drink specials before you order!

The dance floor at Coco Loco Hoboken – Photo from Coco Loco Facebook

Despite the limited space, Coco Loco Hoboken has a full bar in a separate section adjacent to the dance floor, which also has additional standing room and seating. With the dance floor separated, you won’t have to worry about clawing your way through a crowd to the bar, and you have a place to do a little mingling.

If bottle service is your thing, they do have VIP tables with couches on the dance floor. But unlike Birch, they don’t rope off the table sections. So you’ll have to protect your bottle from unintentional bumps courtesy of drunken merengue dancers.

Important Tips For The Party at Coco Loco Hoboken

• Drink prices start at $10
• The live DJs play Reggaeton, Salsa, Bachata, Merengue, Hip Hop
• The main demographics here are young college students 21 to mid-30s
• Beat the crowd and arrive before 12 am
• Bottle service starts at $100!

Overall, Coco Loco Hoboken is a great spot to add to your list of parties for the night if you want to switch it up with a Latin vibe.

Note: The sign in front says Coco Havana, the website says Coco Havana, but the Social Media pages say Coco Loco – go figure.

Map Directions to Coco Loco

Important Tips About Closing Times and Last Call in Hoboken

One last thing to keep in mind is that most bars in Hoboken close by 2AM, and have Last Call for drinks by 1:30 AM. They do not stay open until 4 AM like in NYC! So, get to your last stop before 1 AM, which is when most Hoboken bars stop allowing new guests in.

And, although I have seen some parties continue until 3 AM for guests who are already inside, don’t bet on that. Generally, ABC laws give bars a grace period to stay open an extra hour after closing time to allow guests to close their bills and sort out their exit. So, it is totally up to management.

Finally, try not to choose a place with an entry fee for your last stop – it may turn out to be a wasted investment if you have to leave shortly after you enter.

If you want to find bars in New Jersey that are open past 2 AM, then you may want to check out Jersey City, and refer to my other article that delves into it, “Essential Tips about Jersey City Nightlife. “

Any combination of these parties will fill your appetite for a great night out in Hoboken. There are also plenty of other normal bars in Hoboken as well. Some play music, while others are more suited for a chill night. So go early and explore the neighborhood.

Be sure to bookmark this page for the latest and greatest parties in Hoboken, and share it to support the blog!

If you’re looking for good clubs near NJ, check out the popular parties I promote, and feel free to connect with me on Instagram @nezalpha!

90,000 10 best nightlines of Nizhny Novgorod

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Nizhny Novgorod: Frequently asked questions

Night life: Best places in Nizhny Novgorod:

• Hophead
• Bar CHREMIC POLUPS & PRISKORY TAPROOM
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Why do we hate nightclubs?

In most cities around the world, nightclubs and other entertainment venues are the focus of nightlife and are in close contact with youth culture. This seems perfectly normal, but the following chart exists on the net:

In the red circle: things you would rather do all the time. In a yellow circle: things you hate. At the intersection: bars and nightclubs.

The word “nightclub” can mean different types of establishments, but the rule is the same – the cooler and more popular the place, the worse it is for entertainment and relaxation. On a Saturday or Friday night, the club turns from an entertainment venue into a medieval instrument of torture.

The problems begin with your assumption that the club is a great place to relax and have fun. You imagine something like this: “Why not go to a nightclub today? It would be nice to unwind!” In fact, you should think a little differently: “Oh, God! No, nightclubs are terrible places, and you should not even look into them!”

After decades of suffering for millions of people, it’s time to uncover the truth about nightclubs and take a fresh look at this common recreational practice.

Let’s start from the beginning.

• Disney Conversion Secrets

Friday evening. You are cheerful and cheerful, your friends are also in a great mood, and together you plan to go to the club. But as soon as you drive up to the right place, you meet a typical picture:

Let’s take a look at what’s going on here.

To understand the logic of nightclubs, first imagine the logic of the relationship with the buyer of any other business – “thank the client, serve him in the highest class, and then he will return” – and turn it around.

Whatever you want to call it, night bars are about making you feel small and insignificant. It’s cold and windy outside, but you have to queue up even if the club is still empty. But this is only the beginning.

While you are waiting for your turn, a group of glamorous girls pass by and immediately get into the club without any problems. The bouncer gives you a tart grin as he closes the door again.

Finally, when you get to the door, you notice that the nightclub has no sign. This is because the owners of such establishments love it when their unfortunate patrons go through a lot of trouble to find their club.

The bouncer bouncer (who could easily be the guy who bullied you in junior high) asks for your name and stamps your arm.

Finally, you get inside.

An outside observer, seeing all the misadventures that you had to go through, will be very surprised, in fact, for what it was all started. Surely, he expected to see some kind of paradise, but in reality the nightclub is an incredible mix of horror and hopelessness. In a word, shaped hell.

It’s unbearably noisy, dark, crowded. Like a hellish cauldron, the nightclub seethes and foams, and you do not see the slightest opportunity to have a good time.

Perhaps this atmosphere in a nightclub can be explained by the desire of its owners to recreate the atmosphere of big concerts. Anyway, let’s think about how you can have fun.

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1. You can drink a little

After you leave your outerwear in the wardrobe and finally enter the seething belly of this place, it’s time for a drink. Your ultimate goal is to spend a little over $50, but first you need to solve one difficult task: in fact, get to the counter through three rows of customers and draw the attention of the bartender to yourself.

Depending on your impudence and luck, the purchase can last from 3 to 20 very nervous minutes. We strongly advise you to spend at least a week training your facial expressions in order to be able to establish contact with the bartender as quickly as possible.

After you return to your friends with a drink, it’s time for the main activity in the nightclub.

2. Just stand and not talk to anyone

If you don’t peer into the surrounding crowd of people, you might think that everyone around is constantly having fun and open to communication. But it’s not. A closer look will reveal the truth to you: basically everyone looks like this guy.

Half an hour ago, this young man was still carelessly talking with his friends, having dinner or already driving to the club, and was happy. But the real fun began only here … Alas.

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3. Holding something in your hand

Holding something in your hand – usually a cold drink – is one of the popular pastimes in bars around the world. We all do it, trying not to pay attention to the fact that it is a little stupid and unpleasant.

Firstly, the glass is covered with condensation, so holding it is just disgusting. Secondly, you will keep it long enough. Thirdly, in the buzzing crowd of a nightclub, you will spill the contents of a glass on yourself every 30 seconds. If you were in a restaurant and were told that you would have to keep your glass within inches of the table throughout the evening, you would just leave.

Unfortunately, it is impossible to put the glass anywhere. In the sense that, of course, you can leave your drink somewhere, but immediately feel vulnerable. You just stand there and don’t talk to anyone! Pick up your phone quickly: this way you will be safe again.

4. Convincingly demonstrate to others that you are having a great time

Hearing anything specific in a nightclub is almost impossible. But in order to show everyone around you that you feel good here and that you enjoy the atmosphere, you have to shout out something meaningless like “Oh-oh-oh-oh” or “E-e-e-e.” Perhaps this is one of the most fun activities in a nightclub.

5. Screaming in the ear of your interlocutor

At some point you will want to exchange a few words with your friends, because theoretically you are having fun together. In a nightclub, you are deprived of the opportunity to communicate in any other manner, except for shouting into each other’s ears. It looks rather rude, and what would be a minute conversation in a pleasant and relaxing atmosphere of a restaurant in a nightclub will take you a little less than half an hour.

You can take the initiative and even try to talk to strangers. This usually upsets both sides of the interaction and does not lead to anything productive. The whole irony lies in the fact that in nightclubs single people usually strive to get to know someone, to meet the same lonely ones, but the oppressive and noisy atmosphere around simply excludes this possibility.

Nightclubs are very bad at one of their main tasks – communication. A nightclub is the worst place you can imagine for dating. You can barely make out what a person looks like, not to mention the more subtle features that convey the peculiarity of the interlocutor.

Since it is noisy around, the only way to start a conversation with a stranger will be to yell something in his direction, which is not entirely beautiful and pleasant, as you understand.

6. Dancing

7. Crying

In fact, many people cry in nightclubs.

8. Constantly confront manifestations of gender stereotypes from a decade ago

From a group of girls who are skipped the line to the guys who buy drinks for their ladies they met just a few seconds ago, the nightclub is an arena for gender stereotyping and everyday discrimination.

Caption: Hello! What is your name? Would you like a drink? Hold on. Do you live near here? Me too. Can we go already?

Sexism and gender inequality are frowned upon in society, but they thrive in nightclubs.

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9. Drinking shots to drown out your loneliness

Drinking shots is pretty disgusting, and those who claim otherwise are most likely lying shamelessly.

10. Get dirty

Admittedly, nightclubs are pretty dirty. The nauseating smell, the stale air, the floor sticky with spilled alcohol, the bartender squeezing a lemon into your glass and immediately counting the change…

These are conditions that only a drunk person can create and that only a drunk person can endure. But the most eerie sight you will see in the men’s room, which you will visit at least twice.

Conclusion

Fights happen quite often in nightclubs, and if you notice that someone has started waving their fists indiscriminately, then know that it’s time for you to go home. In addition, there is nothing to satisfy the suddenly awakened hunger here either. You grab your jacket and head outside, realizing you left your credit card somewhere inside.

And even after everything you’ve been through, next time you’ll also convince yourself that nightclubs are fun.

Of course, it’s not all that fun. It’s fun to be drunk, but where is a matter of taste.